Saturday, April 14, 2012

Demon Bird

Ever been attacked by a nest-protecting male Canada goose? Lucky you!

Not that I was attacked. But it was close, let me tell you. This vicious beast decided that I must be out to hurt his eggs. I get that. And probably my dog didn't help either.

Wait, let me back up.

Probably you should know that I am terrified of geese. I love to look at them. I think they are so pretty. But somewhere in my youth, I was traumatized or something because I am scared to death of them. I don't know why. Maybe I saw them beat someone up or something. Regardless, I am S-C-A-R-E-D of them.

Yesterday the hubs and I decided to take our pet beasts (dogs) out for a walk at Drake's Creek park. There's a nice walking path, and the dogs love it. So off we go, blissfully unaware that danger was lurking around the curves and turns of peaceful Drake's Creek.

So here we are, walking along, minding our own beeswax when we see Daddy Goose #1 blocking the path. The hubs abandons me, just leaving me defenseless, to walk past this crazy bird. It's hissing and flapping and whatnot, but Mr.Big Stuff Husband just ambles on by. I proceed to inform him I will NOT be passing the bird and turn around. In his infinite wisdom, Mr. Man decides to tell me God put this bird in my path to face my fears. I don't know how true that was, but since my guy was willing to walk with me and past the demon bird...I put on my brave pants and walked by.

Off we go, back to reveling in our marital bliss, until we see Daddy Goose #2. Now, Daddy Goose #1 was plenty frightening. But he had NOTHING on Daddy Goose #2. Daddy Goose #1 was like Christopher Walken, a little scary, but not truly terrifying. Daddy Goose #2 was like Sylvester Stallone, complete with guns and scary face paint, on steroids. Daddy Goose #2 didn't just hiss, he hissed, flapped and came at us.

Of course, the hubs abandoned me again. He narrowly escaped disaster (well, he walked by, but it seemed like disaster was imminent). A group of people walk by, and I politely let them pass the Demon Bird from Below. They made it by ok. So then, everyone starts watching me to see if I will make it past this evil animal.

I looked at the bird. He looked at me, his beady red eyes glinting as the foam dripped from his beak. (On a side note, did you know geese have tongues? I do now.) I walked up to him, my idiot dog lunging at Demon Bird. Demon Bird lunges back at me. I squeal and back up. The husband shouts encouragement like, "He won't get you. Be brave. Man up. Oh my goodness honey, just GO!" He then helpfully points out that I can't turn around. There's another goose down the path.

The group from before is watching. I'm sure they were enjoying the drama. I tried to tell the goose I wasn't afraid of it. Demon Bird laughed at me, and I knew he was not convinced. After about six attempts at passing; an explanation to the group behind me, who I must confess were quite openly enjoying my shame; and the total loss of all my dignity, a man from the group walked behind me ready to run bird interference if needed.

I would love to say that I walked calmly and sedately past Demon Bird, but alas, I ran. With no thought to the shreds of dignity I still possessed, I ran. I shouted a thank you to the nice man who rescued me...and ran on for a good twenty feet. When I stopped, the nice fisherman who had also been watching me consoled me, saying they were scary birds when they had a nest.

Guess where we won't be walking any time soon?

Later that day, we took the boys fishing on the other side of the park. We saw some super cute baby ducks. Of course, I needed a picture. I would like to add that these are NOT demon birds.


Just ponder that cuteness for a few minutes.

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